UMP Review – Zombeavers

Does the title Zombeavers needs any more explanation?


Undoubtedly, using well-known patterns in a goofy horror movie is a pattern itself. Nowadays wannabe-vintage monster movies, which inevitably avoid big screen, seem to be a link with the classics like “Tarantula”, “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes” or “Attack of the Crab Monsters”. The vague creativity, a malady of up-to-date horror filmmakers, reached out a whole new level in the 2014 flop of the year. Although it is auto-sarcastic, it is also poorly delivered, based on a wacky idea and way too sex-oriented – apart from all of that, “Zombeavers” happen to razzle-dazzle the agog fans of bad movies anyway.


Three girls go for a few-days trip to an isolated cabin in a picturesque landscape – the stay is supposed to be all about “girls’ talks”, sunbathing and swimming in a lake. The plan doesn’t work out due to the arrival of their hot-to-trot boyfriends. The situation gets even more crooked, since out of three pairs, one is in a separation, which seems not to bother the rest. Meanwhile, the lake located nearby becomes a habitat for toxically-imbued beavers, which, for blurry reasons, become immortal killing machines. The dopey group of oversexed teenagers barricades themselves in the wooden cabin and starts the fight for their life.

The very first dialogue regarding a gay sex relationship of a truck-driver, kind of confession-like, sets mood for the entire movie, revealing the sole idea of “Zombeavers” as being a wink to the audience – this is was not directed to scare you, fellas. Nobody can expect the pitiful, puppet-looking beavers to threaten someone to death, especially when they seem to be an addition to a pitiful plot, a college-like drama. The dumbness of the characters is just plain painful so, to be quite honest, you will hope that the beavers will deal with them quickly. But there comes the major dilemma – it’s gonna take them 90 minutes…


One may say it is hard not to fall in love with “Zombeavers” and in some percentage, it is right. Jordan Rubin’s movie guarantees a very solid, Z-class performance, with all the hare-brained ideas this “genre” brings. The characters are as dumb as they should be, thus we all just await their doom and there is an interesting twist in the movie, which I must admit, didn’t see coming. Even fans of foolish comedies shall not be disappointed, as lines delivered by majority of actors sound horrendously terrible – suiting the overall perception of “Zombeavers” just fine.

Almost immortal creatures are a time vehicle, sending the audience back to 50s, when dogs parading with huge, artificial teeth and tails, acted as killing shrews and committed themselves to create one hell of a drama. Understandably in those days lacking, the technology moved a bit forward with the time passing by, which clearly cannot be noticed in “Zombeavers”, as the creatures look rather woefully. Apart from that, the sound designers had to have a lot fun mixing those squawking beavers as well…


Falling far from being moralizing, Jordan Rubin’s film touches a somehow flaming point. Wantonness and superficiality of presented characters combined with ridiculously directed gore scenes is a mark of presence of 21st century – we like this low-intelligent creations as much as we need them from time to time. But they differ a lot from low budget productions from previous century, reaching more shallowness in its overall purport. Sci-fi horror mixtures from 50s and 60s carried the burden of technological limits, thus seeking the attention in combining different genres in one, ranging from drama and romance, to pure horror as it is. Although the effects were hilarious, filmmakers put a lot more effort in their work. Is it really enough to show some naked breasts and a bit of artificial blood to entertain modern audience?

Wrapping up, “Zombeavers” is a purely brainless entertainment, rather awkwardly hilarious, but still outshining many of mediocre horror movies nowadays, thanks to the light approach to the topic. As a bow towards old classics of 20th century sci-fi, it works perfectly. And there is an important tip for the viewers: wait till the very end of the movie, because there is some extra scene, that might grab your attention!

Have you seen “Zombeavers”? Say what you think about this movie in the comments!

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