Big boys like to watch other other super big boys with supernatural powers fighting supervillains. It’s a fact. Some of them are fascinated with how eccentric multimillionaire Bruce Wayne wages his war against all the evil in the all corrupted Gotham City, some follow with bated breathe the epic battles in Marvel universum. Comic books are a neverending fountain of cinematic inspiration and, of course, money. On the other hand, let’s be honest: there are always two sides of the same coin. In the shadows of Nolan’s Batman trilogy or super-productions like “Avengers”, there are strange things from the past, not necesarilly based on comic books, but referring to a rather utopian idea of a superhero. I decided to shed some light on them and present to you my list of 10 worst superhero movies ever directed.
10. Green Lantern (2011)
UMP says: not as bad as you can imagine, but watch out – it’s still Ryan Reynolds in the leading role.
So, a guy, who’s given a special ring from aliens, joins a mysterious intergalactic squad of Green Lantern Corps, which tries to save the world from a weir-looking supervillain. Seems a bit naive and awkward for me, but let’s be honest – superheroes are supposed to be weirdos. Let’s move to the cast – even though he is the sexiest man alive, Ryan Reynolds has proven too many times, that he’s quite a talentless actor. Frankly, he suits the role of Green Lantern quite well, avoiding being over-dramatic, but actually having some fun with the script. Nevertheless, “Green Lantern” is a really poor player in the game – without any appealling plot, scenes worth being remembered and with a completely transparent soundtrack.
9. Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)
UMP says: I preferred Hugo Weaving in a suit&tie version instead of a weird red face.
I guess Captain America’s phenomenon can be understood only by Americans. I love comic books, but a guy parading with a shield painted in white, blue and red – this is way too much to handle. Every single line, which comes out of Chris Evans’ mouth is tumid to such an extent it is almost paralizing. And yet, at the top of the cake, we are “blessed” with Hugo Weaving’s anti-role of career. A nazi, red-faced supervillain, secret experiments and WW II in the background. Just no.
8. Spawn (1997)
UMP says: Gimcrack rubbish with hilarious “special effects”.
I remember being a little boy, fascinated with two particular comic books – Batman and…Spawn. The second one could be detrimental to a childish mind (the violence was, at least, visible in there), but only on paper – the movie from 1997 can only either bore to death, or make you laugh till you die. The low-budget movie could be imbued with dark atmosphere and gruesome scenes and happen to make use of original Spawn costume (especially the alive robe!). Unfortunately, Mark A.Z. Dippé decided to literally massacre the comic book by MacFarlane – awful acting, plot boring as hell and those special effects… I’m really looking forward to the remake of “Spawn” – this hero deserves a better class movie.
7. Elektra (2005)
UMP says: Just to look at Jennifer Garner’s body. But you can google it as well.
Women in sexy costumes can really enhance the cinematic experience (Anne Hathaway in “Dark Knight Rises” anyone?) – Jennifer Garner looks nice, but that’s all for positives regarding “Elektra”. She’s terrible at acting, matched with equally terrible Goran Visnjic, playing a completely ridiculous character. The movie is plain boring and brings nothing new to the genre. Apart from Jennifer Garner in sexy costume, which is quite new.
6. Man of Steel (2013)
UMP says: Can we just forget about the fact, that Michael Shannon and Hans Zimmer participated in this…please?
“Man of Steel” gets just more boring and pointless with every minute passing by. The soundtrack to this film is just terrible, ectypal and grandiose (Hans, why…), acting by Henry Cahill is the same league as Keanu Reeves or Ben Affleck in majority of their films and the movie lacks any sort of its own stylistics. On the top of all of this cinematic festival of mediocrity comes Michael Shannon – one of the most talented actors in Hollywood right now. What is this man doing there, if not trying to pay off his financial debts (if not for this reason, then I really don’t know). Just a huge, big no for “Man of Steel” from me.
P.S. Mr. Snyder, go find another job.
Next week – Part two of the article!