Part II everyone! Big boys like to watch other other super big boys with supernatural powers fighting supervillains. It’s a fact. Some of them are fascinated with how eccentric multimillionaire Bruce Wayne wages his war against all the evil in the all corrupted Gotham City, some follow with bated breathe the epic battles in Marvel universum. Comic books are a neverending fountain of cinematic inspiration and, of course, money. On the other hand, let’s be honest: there are always two sides of the same coin. In the shadows of Nolan’s Batman trilogy or super-productions like “Avengers”, there are strange things from the past, not necesarilly based on comic books, but referring to a rather utopian idea of a superhero. I decided to shed some light on them and present to you my list of 10 worst superhero movies ever directed.
UMP says: Those nipples…
Undoubtedly a killer for the Batman franchise, “Batman vs. Robin” had the potential to bury comic book adaptations for many years – a film so endlessly bad on so many grounds it was just unbelievable. Many comic fans as well as critics agreed upon calling Schumacher’s flick one of the worst movies to be ever directed. But why?
Well, to point out all the flaws of “Batman vs. Robin”, it would take a lot more than a short description. Arnold Schwarzenegger throwing pompatous and almost-edgy-and-funny comments, kitsch present in every single piece of scenography (eventually, it was at least inspired by Burton’s films) and the titular duo constituting by far the worst couple onscreen ever. Nuff said, or there is a need to say more?
UMP says: nothing good can come up in a movie with such a title.
When someone tries to mix up a family movie, a superhero movie, a teenage comedy, an action movie and God knows what more – it happens to look exactly like “Tank Girl” by Rachel Talalay. It’s full of low-level, cheap humor aimed at the “void”, it’s based on a plot, which doesn’t make any sense – even if you consider the so-called tolerance level. “Tank Girl” is also a far cousin of Burton’s exquisite imagination, there’s also a drop of George Miller’s “Mad Max” spirit – unfortunately, it is not the right direction. What’s quite shocking, it was not flushed down the toilet by the critics – just in comparison with ‘Spawn” or many others appearing on my list.
UMP says: Despite Halle Berry’s body, this is just plain wrong.
The podium opens with one terrible mistake, which crossed out Halle Berry from cinema for quite long – if not forever. “Catwoman” was supposed to be a feminine answer to superhero movies, but it ended up being utterly horrendous, pretentious and childish. Although Berry’s body was eye-catching, it could not stop this boat from sinking. The real dilemma with Pilof’s film (yep, that’s the director’s name) is it’s actually quite hard to define what makes it so bad. Nothing is paired up, the composition is loose, acting should not be even commented. The funniest element is that two sex symbols – Sharon Stone and Halle Berry – drowned in it together. Well, I guess Pink Floyd was not 100% right in saying, that “United we stand, divided we fall”…
UMP says: I buy a beer to those of you, who actually remember this flick!
This movie seems to be covered with so much dust, laying under hundreds of other no-one-knows titles, that some of you will probably wonder if I’m trolling right now, that such a flick was ever directed. It’s straightofrward division between good guys and bad guys is artificial at all levels, whilst the titular hero “Phantom” reminisces more of Adam West’s Batman series from 1960, than a serious player in the game. THere’s a bit of Indiana Jones in it for sure, but again – a good inspiration is not enough. The light humor comes to ease the rather poor-quality entertainment, but this aid is only temporary – in the end, you will feel like you’ve wasted more than hour of your lifetime. And the slogan promoting Billy Zane in “Phantom” – Slam Evil! – who came up with this idea and why?
UMP says: There is only one throne. And one king.
And here we are. Nicolas Cage at his absolute best, proving to the world, that him participating in castings for “Godfather” and “Batman” was a joke itself, but what would happen, if he actually got those roles… see “Ghost Rider”. The sole idea of a guy with a burning skeleton head riding a motorbike and killing random people and fighting a son of devil is hilarious and horrendously stupid, but when Nic Cage is involved – everything is brought to a whole new level. Special effects in “Ghost Rider” are trashy and, unfortunately, they constitute an important part of this flick. What’s more, Johnny Blaze sounds more like another Mortal Kombat guy than a superhero to me, but this is not important, right? Move away all of the cheesy acting, chaffy effects, hole after hole in the plot – “Ghost Rider” could be watchable. COULD.
That’s all guys, the worst of worst have been revealed. This list could include even more titles, thus I decided to also point out the “(Un)Honorable mentions”: Shadow (1994), Steel (1997), Meteor Man (1993), Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007), Spiderman III (2007), Daredevil (2003), Howard the Duck (1986)., Dr.Strange (1978).
The link to the first part can be found here.
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